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You joke, you flirt, you dress nicer when you meet him for lunch or drinks, you write long e-mails or tap out furtive text messages. He's not your husband, and your husband doesn't know about this guy—whether he's your ex-boyfriend from college, your Facebook friend or your coworker.Is this the start of a beautiful (and innocent) friendship, or the beginning of the end of your marriage? Basically, emotional affairs occur when one partner is channeling physical or emotional energy, time and attention into someone other than the person they are in a committed relationship with to the point that their partner feels neglected.Ask yourself: Am I doing things or talking about things with this person that I don't do or talk about with my spouse?Am I going to complicated lengths to arrange time with this person? I was personally thrilled by the ultimatum given to the company by hackers, because them offering illicit escapades to a married person having marriage trouble is like offering wine to an alcoholic.Calling it “business” is a shabby excuse for greed.

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Yet both parties are married to other people, whom they have no intention of leaving.You are a not a reflection of your husband, you are you.It is in no way your fault that they chose to misbehave.But you have to improve your marriage behavior if you want success. The first reaction in your mind, when you make such a harsh threatening discovery is going to be self-protective, accompanied by fear; these are primal.Third, your marriage is not over, unless you choose it to be. You must change your behaviors of thought, feeling, speech, and actions. Reading a book or two, even one of mine, will likely not be enough. When you discover your husband is using online dating sites you will automatically assume the worst, imagining he is following through, and meeting other women. That is probably not happening, but it is not too late for your marriage, even if he is.The marriage-damaging factor of affairs, it turns out, is far less about sex than it is about the total package of deception.